Abolishing The Spirit of Fear

I had a side effect late in my pregnancy with Samuel that was nothing shy of painfully miserable most days. There was not much I could do about it and they said that with each subsequent pregnancy it would get worse and it would start earlier on in the pregnancy than it did the one previous.

That time in this pregnancy has come.

I was so discouraged because it came MUCH sooner than it did with Samuel and hit harder than I imagined it ever could. I was torn up inside. I couldn't imagine going through 23 more weeks of this, let another any other pregnancies. My heart was broken. Was this our answer from God as to how many children he wanted us to have? Andy and I refused to believe that God was speaking to us in that way.

On Wednesday nights, I have been attending a class at our church on prayer, taught by the wonderful Denise. As hard as it was going to be to share the details with the class, I knew I needed as many people lifting this up to the Lord asking Him for a miracle.

Last Wednesday night the Lord did a miracle in my life!

Since Wednesday I have not had once ounce of pain in my entire body. I had reluctantly claimed it was the Lord and thought deep down it also had a lot to do with my avid efforts at relieving my symptoms.

It has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with our Lord.

Denise reminded me that I cannot let the spirit of fear set in and act as though God has not taken away this pain, whether it be for a week, a month or for the entire rest of the pregnancy I need to live like I believe.

Andy also brought to my attention a story in John 6 where the disciples had just witnessed Jesus feeding 5 thousand with 5 small barley loaves and 2 small fish, and then saw Jesus walking on water. The disciples then asked Jesus, "What miraculous sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you?"

That is exactly how I was acting! I have been healed, but yet I'm still acting like what He did for me wasn't good enough. I needed some sort of 'sign' to prove to me that it was Him. Oh, what little faith I have...

I am now back to walking every day and have even started running. If God has healed me, I am going to rejoice and enjoy it, not sit back and cautiously await for the pain to return!

Tears well up in my eyes as I write this post because I know that the creator of the universe loves me more than I could ever imagine. I am so humbled by His power and in awe of his love for His children.